2007-06-15 - Friday
Just got back from Court -- my first ever motion hearing (I've been to court before for preliminary conferences and compliance conference but not for motion hearing).
2007-05-24 - 9:43 a.m.
Again, wasn't ridiculously productive at work despite that I'm working on a project I don't mind and actually know how to do. I did speak to my partner-mentor about the FRW situation -- initially the idea was not to go in there and talk about that, but he brought it up, asking how my relationship with her was going, since obviously he heard about the ski trip debacle and I'd told him that for a time all my cases were under her supervision, which is not a good thing for me career-wise, not to mention mentally. Anyway, it was a very positive conversation and I felt very heard and understood and I feel positive that a change will come of it. My partner mentor is a well-respected equity partner, so it is someone who has the clout to make a difference.
2007-05-23 - 9:41 a.m.
At work FRW was apparently in a bad mood, but she was pretty nice to me. Here is something interesting -- yesterday she came down hard on me for two small errors in a set of motion papers that I gave to her for her review. The mistakes were: a) wrong defendant named in one spot on notice of motion (b/c I'd duped/revised); and b) incorrectly placed apostrophe. Today I was writing an amended complaint out of a complaint that she had filed (not just written, but FILED, as in, this went before a JUDGE) and her complaint was a hot mess. Misspelled words, incorrect punctuation, gibberish sentences that made no sense. I actually laughed out loud. What a lame-o. I don't feel bad at all now. I just have to remember this next time she heats up with me. Just remember her FILED complaint covered with my red edits. Yeah, who's got a misplaced apostrophe now, bitch?
2007-05-22 - 9:40 a.m.
At work, FRW threw me for a loop by being impatient and mean about two mistakes in the work I'd done for her. It was hard to let it slip off me and to not take it personally. I actually could have taken a minute to write about it or to breathe or something. At least I got angry instead of weepy -- getting angry means I have a sense of being wronged, of injustice, and that means I don't think I deserve it, to a certain extent. Anyway, she was super nice to me later in the day, just underscoring the fact that she is bat-shit crazy and also probably that she realized she didn't have to be so mean. Although with FRW such logic is not always relevant.
2007-05-16 - 9:37 a.m.
Yesterday I was in the worst mood leaving work, so I decided to walk home. From 48th Street to the Financial District. I absolutely loved it, the entire walk. I just love this city sometimes. The night was the perfect temperature, with a great breeze -- people were out in droves even at 11pm, skateboarders in Union Square, people on dates sitting in outdoor cafes, people walking home. It was just glorious. I need to remember this -- how much it really makes me happy to listen to good music and to walk around this city and feel the life. I got home and went right to bed, knowing my work crankiness would only be solved by sleeping.
2007-05-15 - 9:30 a.m.
OK, I am back to updating here.
Work sucks right now. I am afraid to get anything out the door because it might not be 100% perfect and I can't afford anything less than perfection. That is a shitty state to be in. This morning a memo I'd redone for DN came back and he was like "please really review this, the date hasn't been changed and it needs to be spell checked." When I reviewed it there was one spelling error in the 5 page memo and, yes, the date was off. So part of me was like, oh for fuck's sake. And the other part of me was like, holy crap. Nothing I ever do is good enough. So I did it again, and proof read and proof read and I was literally afraid to hit send because he might come right back to me with some other totally obvious error like, did you even look at this? Why I am so careless sometimes? I actually am a detail-oriented person, so the fact that I miss things all the time -- what is that?
2005-09-30 - 10:40 a.m.
So I'm in the San Francisco office of my firm. I've actually never been to SF, so it is neat to finally get to see this famous city. It is beautiful. The weather is gorgeous, the views out over the water and the city are phenomenal from where I'm sitting. My window looks out on the Transamerica tower. This morning I walked to work from the top of Nob Hill, where my hotel is. God, what a downwards slope! Very difficult in high heels.
I am currently feeling a bit ill--too much eggs Benedict at breakfast, I think. Ugh. And I'm tired and a little bored.
Yesterday I got to the office early, so I could poke around before people got here. SF is the headquarters for my firm, and so a huge bustling place compared to the little New York branch of the firm that I work in. In NY we only have 17 attorneys; in SF there are 44. Plus lots and lots of staff and paralegals and LNCs and secretaries and all that. I walked around and poked my head into offices and read the awards plaques on the walls.
I guess one of the reasons I wanted to come out to SF early was to meet all these new people one at a time, rather than all at once at the retreat this weekend. The retreat is the real reason I am out here in SF. Starting tonight with a cocktail party, we'll spend the weekend eating and meeting, I imagine. Just the idea of meeting all these people for the first time at the cocktail party tonight was horrific; instead I thought I'd rather pick people off one by one at the office, introducing myself and then having a quiet safe place to retreat to in between introductions. I just am so bad at social stuff. Cocktail parties and small talk. Yuck.
The SF office is much bigger and much more political, as is to be expected, I guess. All the name partners are out here, and most of the equity partners. New York is like a little monarchy run by the Managing Partner, but SF is more feudalistic. I just don't know the politics here very well at all.
There is a partner, NPS, who has been helping me very much. I have worked with him since I started at the firm five months ago. He has a pretty mixed reputation--I guess he tends to stare at women's breasts, especially those of staff members. I haven't noticed this problem at all, but it might just be because I don't really have that big a chest, nor do I flaunt what I have in work settings. I am always wearing conservative necklines at work, so there's not really much to stare at. That said, LEK yesterday warned me not to align myself with NPS, because I guess some people really don't like him and some of that could rub off on me. ::Sigh:: I am so bad at this kind of thing.
LEK is another story all together. She's an associate in SF and I am working with her on the presentation for the retreat. I thought we clicked and could be friends--I felt like we were really getting along. But then last night we went out in SF to a wine bar with another (newer) associate, CEC, and I just felt upstaged. I felt like LEK and CEC sort of diverged into this conversation on politics and all of a sudden everything I said was really naive and stupid. Not that they had different politics from me, but that they were somehow better informed and were more astute about what politicians would make it past the presidential primaries and have a shot at the Oval Office next election. Then I mentioned a theory from "Freakonomics" and they both started lambasting the book, which made me feel like they were lambasting anyone who liked the book even partially, and therefore, me. And then I felt like everything I had to say was stupid, so I just shut up and they kept talking animatedly for like, half an hour, while I sat silently and stared at my plate.
I had been counting on LEK to be a sort of safe haven at the retreat this weekend, a friendly face that I could always go back to. But now I feel like maybe she doesn't like me as much as I thought, and CEC is more interesting. And I don't really have any friends at this firm anyway. AdP once asked me which associates I hang out with and I had to admit to her that I don't. In the NY office all the male associates are married with kids, and I haven't clicked with any of the female ones. I actively do not like CJE, who is probably the one I would most likely be friends with in NY. I am really starting to be afraid of this weekend, especially of tonight. The cocktail party. I don't even know if my dress is appropriate.