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2005-06-15 - 4:32 p.m.

God. Again, I am the world�s stupidest person. I feel so retarded I just had to shut my office door so no one would see me crying about what a raging idiot I am.

And of course I made an ass out of myself in front of the same freaking partner as always, NPS. ::Sigh:: He must think I am so utterly brainless. I bet he wonders how the heck I was even hired.

So this time, I found this information about a vehicle we are claiming is defective. I thought I was all Miss Smarty Pants because I found out this information and then did some extra research to prove that what I�d found out was valid, etc. I told FRW, the partner in my office that I�m working with on the case, and she didn�t seem to have heard the information before. She told me to brief the other partners on the case (one of whom is NPS).

I wrote this email laying it all out, and of course, I thought I was so helpful and clever because I had discovered this great piece of evidence in support of our position. I hit send, and a few seconds later, this reply comes from NPS to me and VNF (senior partner on case), cc:ing FRW and DTM (senior associate):
�this is precisely the history of the [vehicle]. ... Our expert [witnesses] are very aware of the history and basic problems with the [vehicle], as well as the usual fixes... the more esoteric fixes ... [are] what we are focusing our discovery on.
i'm happy to brief both you and [FRW] on these basic issues anytime you want, and [DTM] and I are working on a time line based upon documents and depositions.�

So basically his entire email could be summed up as: �Duh.�

I am so ashamed. I feel like I don�t know what I have to offer. I mean, what can I possibly add if I am so woefully less familiar with the law and the facts and everything? I feel like this is going to happen a lot, if it doesn�t just make me completely contribution-shy about everything. Shy of asking people questions, offering ideas, etc. Why should I open my mouth when whatever comes out will be so blatantly obvious to everyone else?

I wrote back (only to NPS, not the rest of them) and said: �Hmmm... sorry about that. I guess I should have figured you all knew this stuff!� Tried to sound cheerful and upbeat with that exclamation point there on the end. Tried basically to communicate: oops, my bad! Ha ha ha! Rather than: you have just crushed my soul.

NPS wrote back that the email was directed towards FRW, not me. Which makes me feel better, in some ways, but even worse in other ways. Worse because I clearly do not get the politics at this firm. It seems that NPS has some sort of beef with FRW. FRW wrote the complaint for this one case I�m doing with NPS, which happens to be in a fact-pleading state*, making the complaint really important. And at one point NPS mentioned that �whoever wrote this complaint really did a crappy job.� Um� it�s pretty obvious who wrote the complaint; her name is right there on it. Maybe I�ll find out why he doesn�t like her when he and I are in Chicago for depositions in a few weeks.

I�ve actually never met NPS, because he�s in the California office and I�m in the New York office. We�ll meet for the first time for the Midwest depositions, so that should be interesting. My first business trip!

*Fact-pleading state: a state in which one must plead in the complaint all the facts necessary to support one's claims for relief. This is in contrast to a notice-pleading state, wherein one must only give notice of the claims one will be making, and not necessarily plead all the facts in support of them. I think that is what the difference is. Anyway, the complaint is much more important in a fact-pleading state because it really serves as a basis for your entire case.

2005-06-14 - 2:50 p.m.

I have been officially an attorney for 22 days. I have been working as an attorney for almost eight weeks.

I feel so totally inadequate, it is ridiculous. To wit, the following exchange between myself and two partners.

Junior Partner mentions settling with one of the defendants so we can focus on the other three.
Senior Partner: We can't dimiss local defendants or we will be removed to federal court.
Stupid Associate Who Thinks She's Very Clever: Isn't [Defendant 1] the local defendant (X County) while [defendant 2] is in Y County?
SP: Yes, both would be local [State X] for diversity purposes, without State X defendants we would be removed (removal can occur within a year of filing if case becomes newly diverse with dismissals).

Holy fucking DUH. I mean, for fuck's sake. Diversity is based on STATE residence, while the counties only matter for venue within the state. I seriously am so dumb sometimes.

I feel like with this one partner I have just done the dumbest things. We'll call him NPS. I'm working with him on a case and I have now written several things for him: motions and such. Last time I wrote an opposition to a motion to transfer venue and I screwed up the intranet editing thing and so my changes never made it into the document when I edited it after he'd skimmed it and told me what to change. I mean, granted, the intranet system is a bit tricky, and he didn't seem to hold a grudge about it, but still. For Christ's sake.

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